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Do your words serve your story – or do they serve you?

by Anita Stratos, Proof Positive editor

Picture this: you’re craving apple pie – one of those “just gotta have it” days – so you go to your favorite café and order up a slice.

Your mouth waters when the server puts your pie in front of you, but when you look closer, you see cranberries, blueberries and pecans mixed with a few apples inside a coconut crust.

“What’s this?” you ask your server with disappointment. “I just wanted a simple apple apple piepie.”

“That’s our pastry chef’s version of apple pie,” she answers. “He likes to stretch his creative culinary muscle.”

Do you think you got what you ordered? Or did you get a more complex dessert, a berry-apple-nut pie with a unique crust? The chef promised apple pie on the menu, but he loaded it up with lots of other things and topped it off in a nontraditional way.

While that gourmet pie might be delicious and welcome on any other night, this time you wanted apple pie and trusted what was written on the menu. So even though the recipe might win a James Beard award, it’s most unwelcome and unappreciated by you at this moment.

Two things went wrong here, and the same things can go wrong with your writing, too.

First, don’t promise something in your title, cover image, or book blurb that you don’t deliver in your story. A book blurb that describes a fantasy novel but delivers a romance is bound to get bad reviews. Your writing may be superb, but you attracted the wrong audience.

The first takeaway: Don’t write “apple pie” on the menu when you’re crafting a multi-berry-apple-nut coconut-crusted pie.

Second, write your prose in a way that best serves your story, not in a complex way that doesn’t match the story or reflect something within the book or character(s). Unnecessarily complex writing gets very tiresome very quickly, slows readers down, and could sound pretentious.

The second takeaway: Serve apple pie to people who love apple pie, and save the gourmet blends for a different audience.

Writing Groups Are Great, But…

Writing groups are great – there’s nothing better than spending time with people who have the same desire to write as you do and understand the writing life.

Everyone brings something new to the table, whether it’s an opinion, something they learned in a class or at a writing conference, deeper insight into publishing – whatever it is, the takeaway can be extremely helpful.

But it can also stop some writers in their tracks. It happened just recently to a writer friend of mine. We’ll call her Zoe for the purpose of this post.

She was going full steam on a mystery novel that she was really excited about and having a great time writing. One week she decided to submit a chapter to her writing group for a critique and was very excited to get their input and reactions.

As expected, she got a lot of different opinions, suggestions, and ideas. Stimulated and motivated by all the helpful insights, she returned home with her notes and went to work on her revisions.

The next month Zoe resubmitted the revised chapter. A couple of members who were absent at the last meeting were present this time. Their critiques were in direct conflict with the ones she’d received the previous month, but they were just as strongly confident that their way would improve the book. And some of the members whose suggestions she’d taken didn’t quite care for her rewrites. They wanted it to sound their way. In fact, one went so far as to try to change her voice, while another didn’t like the idea of which character she killed off. Yet a third felt the body should be found already deceased because she didn’t like books with any kind of violence, and she was adamant about that point.

discouraging comments

This all took a bit of a toll on Zoe. While she welcomed and felt initially stimulated by all the input, she found that when she was considering all the new suggestions, she started feeling confused and overwhelmed. She lost interest in the book and turned to an entirely different hobby for a while.

When she finally confided in me about her conundrum, I reminded her that this was her book and no one else’s. Everyone has an opinion, a theory, or a preference – even bestselling authors have their detractors. And some of them have dealt with editors who tried to change their voice or story direction as well. I told her she needed to weigh the advice she was getting and decide what worked and what didn’t for her manuscript.

You, as the author, have the final word on your manuscript. These are your characters, your situations, and your story written your way. Take the suggestions that work for your manuscript and discard the rest. People give lots of well-intentioned critiques, but the story is ultimately yours.

I’m happy to say that Zoe’s manuscript is back on track and now almost complete. Her enthusiasm has returned, and she’s learned how to manage the input she gets from her writing group members.

So listen to the critiques but hear them as suggestions, not definitive answers, and never let them get in the way of your writing. The most important opinion is yours.

Calling All Critiques: Final Wrap-Up

The first Calling All Critiques event was a success!

On behalf of all the bloggers, I want to thank all entrants and participants for taking time out of your busy schedules to take part. We hope you enjoyed it and perhaps learned something along the way. Got any suggestions on how to make the next event a success? Leave them in the comments!

Third Week Visiting Winner

The third week’s visiting winner who either commented or followed one of the participating bloggers on Twitter is:

Simon Clark

You’ll receive an email soon. You have until Thursday to respond with further information for us to send you your prize. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen.

One more shout out to the bloggers!

Don’t forget to give some thanks to all our participating blogs and bloggers:

Again, thank you!

Calling All Critiques: Third Week Wrap-Up

Thank you to everyone who has participated so far in Calling All Critiques, whether you were a submitting author or a critiquer or just stopped by the blogs to see what was going on.

Second Week Visiting Winner

The second week’s visiting winner who either commented or followed one of the participating bloggers on Twitter is:

Alan Saxon

Alan, you should have received an email already. You have until Saturday to respond with further information for us to send you your prize. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen.

Query Letter / Book Blurb Random Winner

As a thank you to all the authors who submitted their work to be critiqued, we’ve randomly chosen one lucky winner who has a choice of the following prizes:

The query letter / book blurb week’s winner is:

Entrant #6
M.W.

M., look for an email in your inbox later today. You have until Sunday to respond as to which of the three prizes you want. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen. Once you choose your prize, we will provide you and the blogger with each other’s contact information to coordinate timing.

Final Wrap-Up Next Week

The final week’s Rafflecopter random giveaway of two eBooks and a $10 Amazon gift certificate ends on Sunday at midnight, so give some feedback on one of the earlier posts and maybe win some prizes:

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/6928ae5/

One more shout out to the bloggers!

Don’t forget to give some thanks to all our participating blogs and bloggers:

See you again on Monday for the final wrap-up!

Calling All Critiques: Book Blurb Entry #1

Thank you, Ichabod Temperance, for submitting your synopsis and excerpt to Calling All Critiques! We are so happy to post your book cover and give feedback.

To all those interested in critiquing the art below, please be constructive, proactive, and helpful. Not all feedback has to be positive, but it must help the author improve and/or let him/her know what s/he is doing right and wrong. Your feedback is important to the author, so please provide details and suggestions in a polite way. More info on how to critique here.

Please also make sure to check out our Rafflecopter giveaway for your chance to win two books and an Amazon gift certificate! Critique then enter!

Author: Ichabod Temperance
Book title: The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance

Genre: Steampunk, Paranormal

~~

Synopsis from ‘A Matter of Temperance’

In a past that never was…
The year is 1869. Earth experiences the close pass of a comet never before seen. In its wake, many of Terra’s inhabitants find themselves changed. Among men, prodigies rise in unprecedented numbers, while many ordinary adults suddenly find themselves possessed of preternatural genius. Likewise, non-hominid animals become self-aware and intelligent.
Fast forward to 1875. A young “comet prodigy” from humble beginnings, Ichabod Temperance, has become the world’s foremost inventor. He travels to England to deliver his latest brilliant invention to a famous explorer, until Fate intervenes. Meanwhile, a lovely young Bluestocking, Miss Persephone Plumtartt, survives an experimental accident only to find herself imbued with a power she can neither understand nor control, while dark forces and malevolent creatures pursue her, leaving a gruesome wake of death.
Yet, worse is to come. The naïve young inventor and the lovely intellectual find themselves fighting not only to save their own lives, but to prevent the destruction of all life on Earth.
*
Excerpt from ‘For the Love of Temperance’

“Twas the hand of fate that brought Miss Plumtartt and me together, for in truth, we have been happenstance stricken and adventure prone ever since.”

I pet the gentle and loving Mr. Bolt on the head.

“Some of you may have noticed an unusual amount of intelligence and empathy with our little dog Mr. Bolt. Miss Plumtartt and I are of the mind that he too, has been affected by the Revelatory Comet. She and I believe that many animals have kept a certain amount of psychic ability that we as humans, over the course of evolution, have lost. Bolt here, would appear to have an incredible amount of astounding psychic control.”

“Bolt? Would you care to give a little demonstration?”

The little dog, as usual, seems to be following the conversation. Though I do not think he really understands my words, he clearly seems to be able to take my meaning, either by intonation, body gestures, or reading my mind.

He looks around the campfire at his companions.

My skin is itchy. It is as if my body hair is grown in very thickly. In fact, it feels as if I am covered in hair. No! It feels as if I am covered in fur!

I look to the WickeThimble players. They all seem to have an uncomfortable expression on their faces. So too, does Miss Plumtartt. I can tell that they are squirming under the sensation of a wiry pelt. They are trying to appear casual, and not like they are wearing terrier pajamas.

Bolt wags his tail and everyone jumps up to look behind themselves for the phantom appendage.

Then I experience getting bit. It is a tiny, but sharp, bite.

“Bolt!” I exclaim. “Do you have a flea, buddy?”

The little dog gives a whimper, poor little guy.

I notice a few of my friends wanting to scratch at the bite of a flea upon their person that I know is not there. In fact, they are even attempting to scratch at the flea bite with their hind legs. I mean rear legs. I mean, their feet.

“Oh! I shall go next, then, shall I?” exclaims Clarabelle Nightingale excitedly. She is practically blazing with her enthusiasm. Great heaps of curly Titian hair almost seem to burst into flame with her inner fire.

“I appreciate your candor and your wonderful tales,” Clarabelle casts a questioning glance over at Bolt. “Though I am still feeling as if I am covered over in itchy fur, and my right leg has an almost uncontrollable urge to scratch behind my right ear utilizing my toes as digging implements.”

Beaming from ear to ear, Clarabelle warms into her story.

“I guess it’s been seven years now since the ‘Revelatory Comet’. I was seventeen at the time. Before that, singing had always been a part of my life. I pretty much grew up in the church choir, often being selected for solo parts. In school, I would eagerly pursue any sort of singing chance that was available. In any school performance or production, I was always there, and usually earned a satisfyingly challenging role.

“However, with the Comet’s passing, I immediately knew that I could do far more with my voice than I had ever realized. I could conjure an image of the structures and harmonies. The wavelengths of the auditory vibrations were visualized in my mind as if by magic. Soon, I could selectively vibrate an object, just by the placement of my pitch. I can shatter glass and crystal. I can even select the particular target in mind, as opposed to endangering all fragile objects, but it was not these parlour tricks that helped me to gain fame. It was my admittedly enhanced singing skills that brought me much fame and attention. I was getting some good bookings, but alas, I allowed my own need to show off get me in trouble. It started with a single crystal from the grand chandelier of the Paris opera house. I thought it would be a nice touch, to burst a single crystal at the peak of my aria. It worked! It was so fantastically dramatic! The whole house caught their breath. Several ladies let out a whelp of surprise and fear. Though several people were gouged by descending shards of crystal, no one complained. In fact, it was such a thrilling moment, that those wounded were honoured to be a part of that incredible experience. They thanked me profusely for selecting the one particular crystal that would strike them. Others were miffed at me for not having been selected to have deadly shards of lead crystal rain down upon them.”

“The kind managers of the opera house were very happy with me. I apologized, insisting that I had gotten carried away by being able to perform in such a magnificent palace as their opera house, and that I was very sorry for any property damage done. The two gentlemen exchanged a queer look. They then informed me that, though for the briefest of moments, the two men were outraged at my callous impropriety. However, the occupant of a particular box seat, a gentleman of the most mysterious connections with the theater, let it be known that he was happy with the performance. It is said that the box is always reserved for him on the opening night of all the proud opera house’s shows. Because this gentleman has so much influence in the theater for some reason, they decided to let the issue drop. My protector even sent me a dozen roses, but mysteriously, his card only read, ‘P’.”

“Well, I thought to meself, Clarabelle, if one little crystal worked well for a bit of notoriety, maybe I’ll just turn it on just a wee bit more next time.”

“Oh, if I could only go back and do it again.”

“You see, our next show was in Lichtenstein, at the famous GuberGraüberz Hall. Some of the grandest crowned heads of Europe were in attendance. Prince Pimpzle Pauper, Duchess Poutsy Illtempertz, and even Queen Glarezalotte were there.”

“Word had spread of my performance in Paris and there was much excitement for another historic moment to be made. As I grew closer to the crescendo, I could feel the anticipation growing in the audience. I could make out parasols and umbrellas being brought to hand in readiness of a glass shower.”

At the fireside, Clarabelle drops her head in a moment of embarrassment. She then looks back up, much of her previous enthusiasm dampened.

“I was really in the moment. I knew that I was not going to disappoint my audience.”

“As I hit my final, ultimate note, I held it in a moment of extended bliss. I may have heard the chandelier shattering, but in truth, I was caught up in the musical ecstasy.”

“Eventually, I remember to end the note. Opening my eyes, I am shocked at the damage done. Not only has any glass or crystal in the house shattered, even opera glasses or monocles, it has mercifully been powderized back into sand. And there are a lot of monocles in Lichtenstein.”

“The entire audience has been blasted up against the back wall. Along with the seating. And it was bolted down.”

“But I think it was how I was able to peel the gold leaf from the balcony and surrounding ornate parapets that really made a lasting impression.”

“A few of the more sporting vocal enthusiasts provided a polite smattering of applause, but these brave aficionados were quickly shot down with a venomous look by Queen Glarezalotte. Her wig had been knocked asunder, her skirts thrown over her head, and several patrons, along with a few members of the orchestra, had landed atop of her royal highness during the furor of the performance.”

“‘Off with her head!’ the angry woman shrieked! I was very nearly executed on the spot. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed long enough to rush me out of the wrecked Hall.”

“In a majestic rage, Queen Glarezalotte banished me from the kingdom and did everything she could to have me black-balled throughout the World.”

Several tongue snicks against the roofs of several mouths around the campfire click in sympathy. A few ‘Mmm. mmm, mmm’s,’ too.

There’s more to critique!

After leaving your comments, you can head over to one or more of these blogs to see some more great entries:

Calling All Critiques: Submit Your Query Letter or Book Blurb Now

Starting now, Calling All Critiques is accepting entries for your query letter or book blurb.

How to Enter

Submit your entry to Critiques@Saboviec.com. Cut and paste the following template into your email and fill it in.

Your name/pseudonym:
Your website (optional):
Title:

Genre (include audience, such as YA/Adult, and category):
Entry:

We’ve not assigned a limit to the number of words in your entry.

Acceptance of entries closes on Monday, June 9, at 8 p.m. EDT.

More Details

Questions? Check out some of the earlier blog posts or leave a comment below:

After You Submit…

After you submit, check out all the participating blogs and bloggers:

Thanks for being part of Calling All Critiques!

Calling All Critiques: Second Week Wrap-Up

Thank you to everyone who has participated so far in Calling All Critiques, whether you were a submitting author or a critiquer or just stopped by the blogs to see what was going on. The second week’s Rafflecopter random giveaway of two eBooks and a $10 Amazon gift certificate ends on Sunday at midnight, so give some feedback on one of the earlier posts and maybe win some prizes:

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/6928ae4/

First Week Visiting Winner

The first week’s visiting winner who either commented or followed one of the participating bloggers on Twitter is:

Entry #49
Elliot W.

Elliot, you should have received an email yesterday. You have until Thursday to respond with further information for us to send you your prize. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen.

Cover Art Random Winner

As a thank you to all the authors who submitted their work to be critiqued, we’ve randomly chosen one lucky winner who has a choice of the following prizes:

This week’s winner is:

Entrant #9
Bob Cradock

Bob, look for an email in your inbox later today. You have until Friday to respond as to which of the three prizes you want. If we don’t hear from you by then, a runner-up will be chosen. Once you choose your prize, we will provide you and the blogger with each other’s contact information to coordinate timing.

Next Week: Query Letter or Book Blurb Critique

Starting Saturday, June 7, 2014, at 6 a.m. Eastern and ending Monday, June 9, 2014, at 8 p.m. Eastern, submit your query letter or book blurb to Critiques@Saboviec.com. Cut and paste the following template into your email and fill it in.

The name you want to be known by:
Your website (optional):
Title:

Genre (include audience, such as YA/Adult, and category):
Entry:

We’re not imposing a word limit for this critique; however, you already know that too long isn’t going to get you an agent or interest in your novel, right?

This week’s deadline: Monday, June 9, 2014, at 8 p.m.

No changes for the rest of this from last week: Your entry will be assigned a number in the order in which it is received. Our cutoff is 30 entries. Entries 1-6 will be posted on our blogs Monday morning, entries 7-12 will be posted on our blogs Tuesday morning, etc.

Your email will be kept confidential. What you submit is what will be posted, so double- and triple-check your spelling and grammar. (We may correct crazy formatting errors as a result of email quirks, but still, make sure it’s clean before you press send.) You may resubmit an entry, but it goes to the end of the queue: if you submit it past the 30-entry cutoff, you’ll have lost your spot.

All 30 accepted entrants will be entered into the prize drawing, and the winner will be chosen by their assigned number through Random.org.

As always, if you don’t want both positive and negative feedback, please don’t enter. This event is for us to help one another grow as authors and maybe to make some friends in the process.

Some fine print: Entries that don’t include the above information will be discarded. At our sole discretion, we may also discard other posts for reasons such as offensive/distasteful material. Erotica may be confined only to certain blogs, and we may put an adult content warning on it.

If You Enter, Please …

Critique other entrants. The sky’s the limit on how many other entries you critique, but we ask that you at least provide feedback to two other participants.

Also, when you receive feedback on your entry, be gracious if you decide to respond. We would highly suggest not responding except for perhaps a “thank you,” but you’re going to do what you’re going to do, aren’t you? Don’t be defensive or explanatory; these critiques are for you to improve your writing. Take what you want and leave the rest behind.

And If You Critique, Please …

Be nice. Be constructive. Be specific. Be polite.

Mean-spirited or spam posts will be deleted. General “I love everything about it and I think you’re the next J.K. Rowling, ZOMG!” obviously-written-about-your-best-friend comments won’t be deleted, but that’s tacky. Don’t be tacky.

Join us for more fun next week!

While you wait, check out all the participating blogs and bloggers:

We look forward to seeing you back here soon.

Any questions? Leave them in the comments!

Calling All Critiques: Cover Art Entry #7

We’ve had a lot of amazing book covers in our cover art edition of Calling All Critiques! It’s been wonderful to see so much effort put into great design work to fit the storyline and genre. Speaking of which, our final cover is ready to be critiqued!

~~

Author: Lucy Beebe Tobias
Website: http://www.LucyTobias.com
Title: Mary Margaret Manatee: the adventures of a young Florida manatee
Genre: picture book, grandparents, children ages 5-10

MMMcoverlowres

Thanks to everyone who participated in the cover art event, and thank you to all the wonderful authors who submitted their covers! We hope you’ve had plenty of useful feedback.

Don’t forget to enter our Rafflecopter giveaway whether you’ve critiqued a cover or submitted one.

Calling All Critiques: Cover Art Entry #3

Thank you, J Edward Neill, for submitting your cover art entry to Calling All Critiques! We are so happy to post your book cover and give feedback.

To all those interested in critiquing the art below, please be constructive, proactive, and helpful. Not all feedback has to be positive, but it must help the author improve and/or let him/her know what s/he is doing right and wrong. Your feedback is important to the author, so please provide details and suggestions in a polite way. More info on how to critique here.

Please also make sure to check out our Rafflecopter giveaway for your chance to win two books and an Amazon gift certificate! Critique then enter!

Author: J Edward Neill
Website: www.DownTheDarkPath.com
Book title: Dark Moon Daughter

Genre: Adult / Dark Fantasy

Dark Moon Daughter cover

Leave your critiques below! The author appreciates your feedback.

There’s more to critique!

After leaving your comments, you can head over to one or more of these blogs to see some more great entries:

Calling All Critiques: Submit Your Cover Art

Starting now, Calling All Critiques is accepting entries for your cover art.

How to Enter

Submit your entry to Critiques@Saboviec.com. Cut and paste the following template into your email and fill it in.

Your name/pseudonym:
Your website (optional):
Title:

Genre (include audience, such as YA/Adult, and category):

Attach your cover art to the email in a standard format (.jpg, .gif, .png preferred). Make sure it’s big enough to be legible when viewed at full-size on a standard web browser.

This week, we will keep accepting entries through Monday or Tuesday, depending on interest. If you get them in before 8 p.m. EDT and spots are open, you will go into the next day’s round.

More Details

Questions? Check out some of the earlier blog posts or leave a comment below:

After You Submit…

After you submit, check out all the participating blogs and bloggers:

Thanks for being part of Calling All Critiques!

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