language

Superfluous Verbiage and Unnecessary Words

by Anita Stratos, Proof Positive Editor

Did you trip over the title of this post? Did you have to read it twice? If so, that’s because both phrases, “superfluous verbiage” and “unnecessary words”, mean the same thing, but your mind was trying to discern a difference.

When you use extra words or duplicate a meaning in your writing, it can do a couple of different things: it can slow the action or forward movement of the story, and/or it can stop readers in their tracks while their minds backtrack over the repetition, searching for a missed meaning or misinterpretation. Neither is good.

Repetitions and extra verbiage slow stories down and can put the brakes on action scenes.

A few smaller examples we see frequently are:

“She took out her cell phone and dialed his number, then immediately hung up the phone.” The words “the phone” are superfluous because it’s already clear that the person was using a phone. Something like this may seem insignificant, but eliminating even the smallest unnecessary words tightens your writing and moves the story along faster. And in a story where there’s one superfluous phrase, chances are there are many more – add them up and you’ve got a lot of drag.

“His train was arriving at five o’clock p.m. in the evening.” When referring to a time aftererasing words noon, “p.m.” is used, just like “a.m.” is used for morning. Therefore, using “in the evening” after “p.m.” is repetitious and can actually be annoying to some readers.

“He put his hat on his head as he walked out of her life forever.” “On his head” is extra verbiage because it’s assumed that’s where he’d put his hat – where else would it go? “He put on his hat as he walked out of her life forever” is smoother and has more impact without the unnecessary words.

Even more problematic, though, are entire phrases that essentially repeat what was just said without adding any new information.

“She tucked the letter into her pocket, secreting it away from prying eyes. It would be safe in her pocket where no one would see it.” If you see this type of repetition in your writing, choose whichever phrasing best fits the scene and keeps the action or tension going. Sometimes you may end up using the best of both worlds – a combination of the two: “She secreted the letter away in her pocket, where it would be safe from prying eyes.” No repetition, but plenty of information in a condensed and to-the-point way.

Tight writing moves faster and makes your points clearer, which readers always appreciate.

“Literally” Is The New “Figuratively”…And Other Word Anomalies

Language evolution is an understandable and even necessary thing – linguists agree that when a language stops evolving, it quickly becomes a dead language. But English is undergoing an interesting type of evolution: word definitions are changing and expanding to conform to formerly incorrect usages, even if that means that two definitions of the same word are actually opposites of each other.

Falling off EarthTake the word “literally”, for example – the latest evolutionary victim. Countless articles have been written about the misuse of “literally”, advocating for its correct use and trying to get writers to stop saying things like “I literally fell off the face of the Earth for a while”. Thinking of “literally” in its literal sense (aka actual meaning), you’d picture someone actually falling off this planet, as if gravity suddenly decided to release that one person. And then that same person would be drawn back after “a while”, like some invisible magnet stretched out to reattach them to the surface. That’s the kind of imagery such a misuse could evoke in a reader’s mind, which can stop them from reading and draw their minds right out of the story.

But the English language, in its infinite evolutionary process, has decided that rather than making people use language correctly, definitions will be altered to conform to language misuses, even if it has to twist itself into an oxymoronical (say it enough times and it, too, may become correct) pretzel.

“Literally” now has these two opposing meanings according to Merriam Webster:

1.  in a literal sense or manner: actually <took the remark literally> <was literally insane>

2. in effect : virtually <“will literally turn the world upside down to combat cruelty or injustice” — Norman Cousins>

So now, because of continuous misuse, a person can say that they “literally fell off the Earth” and still be correct in using it just for emphasis. This can become confusing in some cases, though – what if that story was a futuristic piece and the possibility of sudden disappearances of small areas of gravity were as possible as sink holes? A reader might interpret the writer’s figurative use of the word as a literal use instead, and he’d be confused when follow-up text proved his interpretation to the contrary. In that case, he’d probably have to go back and reread that phrase again, which is annoying to any reader.

So while the language is giving us permission to use words in opposite ways, it may still not be prudent for writers to walk away from smart writing in favor of acceptable writing. The problems that it can bring up might just make their novel literally fall off the face of the Earth. 😉

The Joys of Language Evolution

No one likes change. Or so they say.

The English language is in a constant state of evolution. Some people think it’s a bad thing and mourn the idea of static language. I think it’s a good thing – even an exciting thing – especially for writers.

Why is this a good thing for writers? Because we’re continually being given new ways to express ourselves, ways that may define our characters and their actions with even more clarity while giving them a contemporary edge.

It’s true that some very good words and phrases are falling by the wayside, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be used. It’s always better to get your point across clearly than to avoid using a term just because it’s less popular. And you may find a new word or phrase that works just as well or even better.wordle

Contemporary terms are being influenced by many different things, from hip-hop to the tech world. Some nouns are doubling as verbs, portmanteaus (blended words) are multiplying at the speed of sound, and old words are taking on multiple new meanings. (Just check out the word “bodied” in the Urban Dictionary…)

People have always shuddered at the “corruption of English” when new blended words – or “frankenwords” – were created, but most of those words are regular parts of our language now, including “brunch”, “guesstimate”, and “smog”. Even “motel” is a portmanteau, combining “motor” and “hotel”.

We don’t raise an eyebrow at terms like those anymore.  Yet the more recent explosion of word blends like “infotainment”, “bromance”, and “irregardless” still meet with resistance by some language purists. Give them another decade and no one will so much as wince at those words. After all, by that time, they’ll have a whole new crop of portmanteaus to set their teeth on edge.

If you look back through the centuries, you’ll see that language has never been static. It just seems to be evolving differently and (arguably) maybe a bit faster. Take a look through the Urban Dictionary – you may think you’re reading a different language.

There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of language evolution and contemporary phrasing in your writing, as long as they express your ideas clearly and reflect your characters properly. Just don’t use so many so frequently that your readers have no idea what you’re talking about!

What Makes Good YA (Young Adult) Fiction?

Every genre has its own characteristics, and characters in novels each have their own personalities, accents, speech patterns, etc. It’s what distinguishes them from each other and makes each character unique, turning them into believable people.

YA writing goes a bit further. It’s not enough just to make your lead character – and other supporting characters – tweens or teens with particular accents and personalities; those characters need to sound, react, and think like tweens or teens. It’s all about believability.

Sometimes as adult writers, we tend to forget the painful and thrilling intricacies of youthful behavior. We need to get in touch with our younger selves and draw on all of the chaos we survived in our youth, then update it to contemporary norms.YA reader

Think back to those middle school and high school years, or think about your children’s experiences at that age. There’s drama, and lots of it. Major drama, minor drama, unnecessary drama, tearful drama, exciting drama, angry drama. Dating drama, crush drama, you-stole-my-best-friend drama. Secrets, gossip, broken hearts, lies and half-truths. Add to that all the modern drama created by social media, texting, sexting, and “unauthorized” online photos with scandalous implications, and you have a tween/teen life. Makes you wonder how anyone gets through it all!

But it does make fertile ground for novel writing. Because even though some of these same situations overlap in the adult world, reactions can be far more extreme in tweens and teens than in more logical-thinking adults. They cope and reason differently. And because they’re dealing with some of these situations for the first time, they lack the life experience that gives adults better coping and reasoning skills. They’re also working with immature thought processes, which tend to make a minor drama turn into something worthy of Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara.

However, you may have to tone down the language a bit. We know that kids use plenty of foul language in their everyday speech, but it’s been shown that their parents aren’t fond of tweens reading books with heavy language. Too much of it or the use of certain words considered more offensive has been shown to cause a backlash from parents, and let’s face it, that’s where tween and teen buying power comes from. In fact, many librarians refuse to stock such books. So even though it’s realistic, it’s not always appreciated by the Those Who Hold The Purse Strings.

The best way to overcome challenges like offensive language and to get a feel for what the YA crowd is looking for is to read lots of different types of Young Adult fiction. From highly successful series to quietly successful indie books, you’ll see what’s hot and what’s not in the ever-changing world of youth.

Be Careful How You Flash Those Descriptives…

I was reading a take-out restaurant menu when I came across this description – look at the orange word on the first line:

homely vegeterian food menu 2

“Homely” vegetarian food? In America, that would insinuate “plain, unattractive” food. I’m sure that’s not what they were inferring!

But in British English, that would mean “homey” food, like the kind of good home cookin’ grandma would make. In fact, “homely” does have a second, almost opposing American definition in Merriam Webster as “being something familiar with which one is at home”, but that’s a bit of a stretch for a menu listing.

You can see from this example how using a word that’s not quite right could stop readers in their tracks while they try to figure out what you’re saying. And that stops the flow of your story and can – if it happens frequently enough – stop them from reading your work altogether.

While “homely vegetables” might just cause a pause, a snicker, and a raised eyebrow, “homely” used in other less-than-ideal ways would lead to completely wrong impressions:

“She was thrilled with the homely gift he’d given her.” Any red-blooded American woman reading this would wonder why she didn’t kick him out the door!

“His hug gave her that homely feeling, and she knew she could spend the rest of her life with him.” Because “homely” is more commonly used in American language to mean unpleasant or unattractive, an American reader would wonder why an ugly feeling would make her want him at all.

So even though your word choice may be technically correct, it’s always best to think about how your readers will interpret your words. Then your concept and their interpretation will be in sync.

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